i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
