My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
