Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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