3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize