But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
