what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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