maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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