As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
