Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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