Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
