I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
