I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize