i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
