Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize