I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
