I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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