Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
