He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
