She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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