so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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