You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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