Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
