I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There r osticjed everywhere
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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