i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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