Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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