dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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