My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
