Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
