He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize