I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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