You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
