I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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