the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
