I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
