JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
