fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
