After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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