At least make sure they are 18
Why
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
