Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
