This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
