take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
