i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
