is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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