Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
