no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just high enough for therapy.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
