Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
