also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize