i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
