I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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