You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
