you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
