He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
