Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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