yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
