I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
