i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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