I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
