After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
