Plan B is the new Plan A
This is not my ceiling
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
