How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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