As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
