I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
