It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
