am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
