The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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