here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
