i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
