LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
