Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
