I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
