Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
