things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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