Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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