i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
