I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
