he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
