I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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