This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
