..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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