Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
