What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
