so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
