Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
