low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize