Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize