I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
