there's paper in my vomit.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
