Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
