it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
