I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize