He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
