I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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