just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
