why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
