Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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