There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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