highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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