Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
