Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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