please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
