Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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